Parents Denounce Grady High School’s Shitty Parenting

It's the school's responsibility to properly parent our kids, damnit. PHOTO: Jesse Budlong

GRADY HS — Parents are outraged this morning at Grady High School’s alleged inability to properly parent its students. The outcry comes in the wake of yesterday’s incident involving a student accidentally shooting herself in the leg on school grounds.

The Atlanta Banana interviewed Simon Chandler, parent of Grady HS senior Dustin Chandler, outside his home.

“This is a damn outrage,” Chandler, currently unemployed, said. “Who is gonna make sure our kids don’t have guns at school? I mean, I can’t be expected to check on Justin every week of the month.”

When pressed for details, Chandler added “Oh yeah, Dustin. That’s what I meant.”

Grady science teacher, Nils Oppenheimer, admits that Grady’s parenting isn’t everything it could be.

“We do our best to parent each child who attends our school with metal detectors and searches, for example, but our chief duty is to occupy the kids for the majority of the day. If they happen to lay eyes on an opened book while they’re here, well, I guess that’s okay.”

Oppenheimer added “I consider any kid who graduates our public school system without pregnacy, addiction, or felony indictment a victory.”

But Peggy Waverly, mother of sophomore A$hléîe, isn’t convinced.

“They aren’t teaching my kid a damn thing. You should hear the way my daughter talks to me. You’d think a new iPhone and a steady supply of cheeseburgers would be enough for any teenager, but not mine. Get it together, Grady! Kids are our future!”