Georgia Lawmakers Demand Kids Play Football in Vat of Simmering COVID-19

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ATLANTA–Despite dire warnings of the consequences, not to mention the consequences themselves, Georgia’s state leadership is demanding that kids play football while hip deep in vats of pure, simmering COVID-19. The move comes as a surprise as even the White House is warning Georgia that our case count is skyrocketing.

“Football is the most important thing in the world for our reelection,” said Buck Nidgit, state spokesperson. “If them kids don’t get into that vat of COVID-19 and distract y’all with a little pigskin, this state will end up with someone who gives a damn. Ain’t nobody want that.”

Nidgit declined to comment on the governor’s ongoing lawsuits against Atlanta doctors (for treating patients), the sun (for shining occasionally), and the concept of hugs (for spreading life enjoyment).