State’s COVID Patients Relish Single Upside: They Can’t Smell Bradford Pears


ATLANTA, GA–Though they are quick to point out that they wouldn’t wish their infection on anyone and certainly have also been lucky with mild, non-life-threatening symptoms, Peter and Mary Callery say they are enjoying not being able to smell the Atlanta area’s Bradford Pears.

“They are nice to look at this time of year, but they smell like gym shower slime,” said Mary Callery, 67. “I thank God. First of all that our symptoms are mild and that our kids are safe, but not being able to sniff the Gooch Trees is a strong second.”

Peter Callery, 70, feels similarly to his wife. “Basically, if you collected used bike shorts and then put their aroma through the same process used to create pepper spray, that’s what these trees do.”

A representative from Atlanta’s Office of Bradford Pear Promotion and Conspicuous Planting, (AOBPPCP) could not be reached for comment, as he vacations this time of year.

Mary Callery further speculated that Dr. Fauci should start working on a cure for the Bradford Pear, then added, “Or Bill Gates, or whoever. I don’t care. Just get them outta here.”