Governor’s Mansion to Install Democracy-Proof Foam Front Door

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ATLANTA, GA–The Governor’s mansion, built in 1967, has revealed a critical security flaw. Lawmakers hiding inside to pursue the normal course of voter suppression can hear their fellow lawmakers knocking on the door.

But thanks to a new closed-cell foam front door, those knocks will be silent thanks to a new democracy-silencing closed cell foam.

“I’m actually a mattress salesman,” said door salesman James Corvid. “This is just a used… I mean, upcycled mattress.”