Governor’s Mansion to Install Democracy-Proof Foam Front Door

ATLANTA, GA--The Governor's mansion, built in 1967, has revealed a critical security flaw. Lawmakers hiding inside to pursue the normal course of voter suppression...

State’s COVID Patients Relish Single Upside: They Can’t Smell Bradford Pears

ATLANTA, GA--Though they are quick to point out that they wouldn't wish their infection on anyone and certainly have also been lucky with mild,...

MATURE HEADLINES

Shitty Car Driven Carefully Over Speed Bump

ATLANTA--An unbelievably shitty car which appeared to be Nissan of some kind, or possibly a...

Local Man’s Apartment Located In Sex Desert

CUMMING, GA--Sediment analyst Phil Theigh announced this week to friends a discovery that his apartment,...

Evil Mastermind Extends Sales Meeting with One More Question

Feel my wrath, suckers! Jefferson was about to close this meeting and release you dim...

Now That the Zombies are Actually Here, I Regret Saying I Would Fight Them

I had a lot of fun putting stickers on my car that say "Zombie Elimination...

Beltline Time Trial Cyclist Kills Four

ATLANTA, GA--Four people were killed and a further seven injured this weekend when struck by...

Local Man on Dating Site Works Hard, Plays Hard

ATLANTA -- Though he reportedly “never thought do this type of thing,” Buckhead resident...