Governor’s Mansion to Install Democracy-Proof Foam Front Door

ATLANTA, GA--The Governor's mansion, built in 1967, has revealed a critical security flaw. Lawmakers hiding inside to pursue the normal course of voter suppression...

State’s COVID Patients Relish Single Upside: They Can’t Smell Bradford Pears

ATLANTA, GA--Though they are quick to point out that they wouldn't wish their infection on anyone and certainly have also been lucky with mild,...

MATURE HEADLINES

Sears Dick Pic Portrait Studio to open in Cumberland Mall

MARIETTA--In an effort to restart its shuttered portrait studio services, Sears will soon open its...

Species Creepily Celebrates Planet that is Phasing Them Out

Look, humans, it's not that I don't appreciate the gatherings and the speeches and whatnot,...

Morning Radio Show Surprises Terminally Ill Teen with Shitty Morning Radio

ATLANTA--The Wild Bob and the Squirt morning radio show set up broadcasting equipment outside the...

Braves Hurry to Pack their Stuff Before City Comes Home from Work

TURNER FIELD--Atlanta Braves baseball players, in hopes of avoiding an awkward scene when the City...

Thousands of Bodies Discovered Under Oakland Cemetery

ATLANTA, GA--A routine class exercise ended in horror and disgust yesterday when Elias Ranger, Professor...

Game of Thrones Books Reader Assumes Role of Office Oracle

ATLANTA, GA--Avid reader Chad Reynard, 32 year old office manager at R&R Martinizing, never thought...