Raging Snowflake Hits Atlanta, Killing Hundreds

PHOTO: Andrew Magill

ATLANTA–This weekend, a lone snowflake barreled down from the clouds to stick on the streets of Atlanta for 19 seconds, taking the lives of hundreds of innocent people. As a result, the Department of Transportation issued a statement saying, “Holy fucking shit! Did you see that?!”

Of the 328 who perished in the catastrophe, 262 were caused by drivers stopping to take pictures of the snowflake with their phones, as well as 61 from texting and driving. 5 are being blamed on Obama. At press time, road crews had been deployed and are expected to take care of the situation in three to four days.