Shitty Car Driven Carefully Over Speed Bump

Gotta ease over the speed bumps. Don't want anything to jiggle apart. PHOTO: FlyByFire

ATLANTA–An unbelievably shitty car which appeared to be Nissan of some kind, or possibly a Toyota, was driven very carefully over a series of speed bumps in the West Paces Ferry shopping center this weekend. Eyewitnesses report surprise that such care was taken given the car’s general state of disrepair.

“I was like ‘Hurry it up already,'” said Phil Myers, 41, relating his thoughts about the carefully-driven shitbox. “If you cared about that car at all, you’d drive it carefully into a lake. End all of our misery.”

Speed bumps are asphalt humps in the road designed to encourage slower driving speeds, but automotive expert Harry Tonsenna, 73, points out that one of the perks of shitty car ownership is not caring much what happens to it.

“I drive a total crapstack of a car precisely so I can hammer it over speed bumps,” said Tonsenna. “I don’t use my brakes any more than necessary. Brake pads cost money. I just ram it into whatever’s nearby my destination.”

The driver of the shitty car in question remains at large.


  1. Looks like it’s what’s left of an old Nissan Sentra. Seeing that someone ripped the front of that thing off was doing everyone a favor by getting rid of some of what was already an ugly car to begin with. If I saw that thing going down the road, I don’t know if I would laugh at that piece of junk or feel sorry for the poor sap that has to drive the thing. I know I would rather walk than be seen in it! Hopefully they will put it out of its misery soon.

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