Juice Cleanse Set to Create Healthiest Prediabetic in City

PHOTO: Brian Ambrozy

ATLANTA–Local prediabetic Jimmy Dodger has declared that he will begin 2015 by consuming nothing but juice for two weeks, thus undoing a complete lack of dietary restrictions or exercise for the last ten years. Doctors say if Dodger can stick to the program, he is set to become the city’s healthiest prediabetic.

Dodger says he researched his new diet extensively.

“I read everything I could find about cleansing on Facebook,” he said. “I wanted something that would reverse the mistakes I’ve made since high school without requiring me to exercise.”

Mr. Dodger’s physician is optimistic about his juice cleanse.

“Make no mistake: I will diagnose Mr. Dodger as a type II diabetic within five years,” said Dr. Payne Hough, Dodger’s physician. “But fruit equals healthy. Everyone knows that. Don’t be stupid.”

Dr. Hough went on to describe the effect the diet would have on Mr. Dodger’s digestive tract, saying “Imagine a trash bag full of hot chocolate chucked into a running clothes dryer.”