We Promise Never to Share Your Personal Information Until Our Next Data Breach

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Our privacy policy is ironclad. We will never, EVER, share your personal data. We know how much you value privacy and we value the fuck out of your money so believe this: if you give us your email address, credit card, or other personal information we will only — FUCKING ONLY — use that info for the intended purposes and NOTHING THE FUCK ELSE. That’s how fucking BADASS our privacy policy is.

Our privacy policy is like a horde of highly trained, well-educated, emotionally developed ninjas with rock hard abs. Any one of them could lop your head off as silently as the breeze from a grasshopper’s wing. They could love you fully and completely. They could satisfactorily explain intersectionality to the bro-est of bros. That’s how badass these ninjas — who, if you’ll recall, represent our privacy policy — are. We are changing the world!

So yeah. You can rest, safe and assured, knowing that your information is with us. Because our privacy policy is not only the best in the industry. It’s the best in the multiverse.

Of course, our data security policy is the equivalent of a blob of tofu floating in garbage juice, so, your shit is going to fly out of here as soon as anyone decides to exploit our systems … again.