DALLAS, GA — After enthusiastically opening schools to students with no mask-wearing requirement only to find that students and teachers thereafter transmitted COVID-19 to one another officials have learned that the greatest threat to students’ safety is, in fact, those very same officials.
“It turns out that disinfecting something like a school desk with anti-microbial solutions doesn’t do that much for an airborne pathogen,” said Cyrus “Cy” Entsdeneir, school administrator. “The real problem these kids are facing is my garbage leadership.”
Entsdenier and his administration declined to comment on their position that a mask requirement would be “unenforceable,” and demanded that reporters confirm they never wear shorts shorter than 2″ above the knee.
“I am kicking myself out.” declared Entsdenier, ending the interview. “I would say you will soon see me disappear over the horizon, except that the Earth is, of course, flat.”