If you get all your life advice from popular music, as this girl does, you might not be aware that there are some adverse effects to drinking. Even the ones that taste like fruit drinks can make you a bad driver. Did you know that? I didn’t until a DJ told me. He saved my life.
It was last Cinco de Mayo, during one of the times at the club when everyone shouts the word “Shots!” over and over again in a wild chant. I wasn’t able to join in because I was doing a party yawn, or if you’re a doctor, a barf. It was the second or third one I’d done that night. You’re welcome, Mexico!
I fell down on a couch, but then I realized the couch was wearing a belt, and it had legs too. I know because it was standing up. My party balance isn’t so good sometimes. It turned out to be a DJ. I party yawned on him and I think some of my dinner got in his right front pocket.
He tried to help me up and I think he asked me where my friends were, but I was doing a party dance at the time, or what doctor’s call “seizure due to alcohol poisoning.” I then voided my bowels, or what we call a party fart, but I think that was because the DJ wasn’t paying attention and a Matt & Kim song came on.
Anyway, I was so embarrassed that I party farted on the nice DJ that I pulled out my keys and that’s when the DJ said those sweet words that saved my life. I’ll never forget them.
He said, “What the hell’s wrong with you?” I think that was it. Actually, maybe one of the party wagon drivers said that. That’s what we call EMT’s. Anyway, he definitely said I should stop drinking and pooping and barfing in people’s pockets.
That DJ saved my life, and my Cinco de Mayo. Hooray for me and Mexico too!