I GOT HACKED! If you’ve received an email from me with the title “RIBALD GRANDMA,” then do not open it. It is from the HACKERS who have maliciously taken control of my computer through no fault of my own, except when I handed full access over to them willingly.
I’m sorry I have to send you this email, but this kind of thing does happen to all of us sooner or later. The guys who got me were probably masterminds working in a secret lab deep underneath Georgia Tech. I bet they’ve been doing weird experiments for years and years to learn how to force their way into someone’s home computer. Well, except that in this case, they had every possible password and could stroll right in the front door, so to speak.
I mean, sure, I did click on an advertisement for ribald grandmas, and yes, I did suddenly see a popup window saying it could make my computer a thousand percent faster, and I did enter all my password information into it, and I did then click “OK” or “Accept” a further three times, but I don’t think I can be blamed here. The hackers hacked me. Simple as that.
It’s pretty much like when Moriarty and Sherlock Holmes matched wits, or maybe more like Kasparov vs. Deep Blue. Well, except that I am willfully ignorant of the workings of computers and make no effort to learn despite my job relying on them. Oh well. These things happen.
I didn’t even get to see so much as one even mildly ribald grandma. Fiends! I curse you for hacking me!