ATLANTA–The metro area is suffering reduced visibility this morning thanks to a thick fog of references to famously drizzly Pacific Northwest city Seattle. Motorists are urged to use caution while sipping lattés and talking on the phone as they drive.
Meteorologist Dr. Claude Eskyze, PhD, says a bank of Seattle references appears despite rainfall data for the two cities.
“We get these Seattle comparisons every time it rains a few days in a row,” said Eskyze. “When you look at the numbers, though, Atlanta destroys Seattle in every measurable rainfall metric. They should be comparing themselves to us.”
Eskyze uses an advanced research tool on his computer to check the veracity of facts he hears before repeating them. The tool accepts any word or collection of words and then attempts to find relevant matches on a global network of connected computers known as the interblog.
“To summarize,” said Dr. Eskyze, “Seattle can take its dorky Space Needle and fuck itself right in the fish market.”