Themed 5K Participant Wonders Why No One Holds Races That Are Just Running

Is this mud really necessary? Too bad we can't just run. PHOTO: Matt Bach

I was crawling on my hands and knees in the mud at the end of the Splat Trot 5k, and I couldn’t help but thinking, why isn’t there an event where we just run from one place to another without all the obstacles and gimmicks? I like getting a bit of exercise with my friends, but the mud thing just struck me as dumb, not to mention super gross.

All races are like that, though. There’s the one where you throw paint on each other, there’s the winter one where everyone dresses up as Santa, and there’s the ones where you have to jump over things or crawl under things, why not just a running one?

I know it sounds simple, but it’s oh-my-god 2013 already. Someone should have figured this out. I even looked up that Olympics thing they have and it was all skiing and ice skating. Not one running thingy where people just run. Ugh. So complicated!

Now you might say, “Well, people like the Combatant Charge, where there’s multiple different events besides running.” Fine. Why not a race where people swim, ride a bike, and then run? Or just bike and run if you don’t like swimming maybe. I don’t know, I’m brainstorming here. Don’t judge.

All I’m saying is someone should have thought of this by now. No costumes, no obstacles, just running from one place to another against the clock to see who is best at it. Why is that so hard?

People are stupid, I guess.


  1. Really?? Regular plain running races are all over…just not advertised as much as themed (they keep the price down that way). Most of those don’t give you medals unless you are top times either…you just get a plain cotton t-shirt.

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