Sears Dick Pic Portrait Studio to open in Cumberland Mall

Now, let's try a couple of wacky shots. Just have fun with it.

MARIETTA–In an effort to restart its shuttered portrait studio services, Sears will soon open its first Dick Pic Portrait Studio in the Atlanta area.  The new portrait studio will specialize in professional, high-resolution digital photographs of a customer’s genitals for use online and on mobile devices.

After years of declining sales, Sears closed its portrait studio business in April 2013.

“The old business model couldn’t compete with the boom of cheap digital cameras and photo editing software available to the public,” said Perry Anthrust, Sears VP of Retail Sales.  Earlier this year, Ms. Anthrust saw an opportunity to revive the portrait business when she received a dick pic via the popular OKCupid dating site.

“The lighting and composition were just awful. It lacked creativity and gave me douche chills. It was clearly the work of an amatuer and didn’t stand out at all.” she said. “In the online world, a dick pic is your digital calling card.  You want some excitement. You want a reaction. You’ve got the balls to that put out there (no pun intended), so put a little effort into it for fuck’s sake!”

Drawing comparisons to the common use of acting headshots in the entertainment industry, Ms. Anthrust’s goal is to bring a professional product to the dick pic world.  In an effort to prove to shareholders that there was a need for this type of service, she set up a 2-hour professional photo session for a male friend with experience in sending dick pics.  The friend, speaking on the condition of anonymity, later reported how pleased he was with his new photos.

“Before I’d have to send about 100 dick pics just to get one response…and it was usually one of disgust.  Now, I get a reaction from almost every single photo I email or text…and about 10% of those are somewhat positive.”

The new studio at Cumberland Mall will offer a $99 introductory special which includes 2 looks, access to an array of tiny costumes and props, digital copies of all shots and retouching of 2 photos.