CUMMING, GA–Sediment analyst Phil Theigh announced this week to friends a discovery that his apartment, once thought to be in a prime location with access to local nightlife, is in fact situated in a sex desert. Though friends in the area have reported no trouble meeting partners of their chosen description, Theigh points out that the boundaries of the sex desert are not known.
“Sure, Jeff, Brittany, and all the rest have active love lives, but they don’t live in 2901-F Hunters Chase Pointe,” said Theigh, 27 years old. “I’d like to see them try that here. Especially Brittany. Or Jeff.”
Theigh went on to speculate that the effects of the sex desert could range far from his apartment, much as a sand storm blows through towns on the outskirts of a more traditional lack-of-rain desert. “This thing is following me down to the bars, I’m sure of it,” said Theigh. “I guess I’m just gonna have to move.”