DECATUR–Your Dekalb Farmer’s Market has filed documents indicating plans to expand its retail space to provide shoppers with more of what has made it a success so far: freezing temperatures and weird-looking produce.
“Oh of course we still have normal vegetables and fruits people recognize as edible,” said spokesman Harry Appul, “but we also really love stocking fruits from far-flung corners of the globe which resemble some kind of weird modern art. We need more space for those weird ones.”
The business is also installing seven more truck-sized air conditioners to bring the inside temperatures down. Currently, most shoppers bring a light jacket to wear while inside, but soon they’ll need full down parkas and heavy boots to stave off hypothermia.
On a tour of the facility, reporters noticed a saucer-shaped machine peeking out from under a tarp. When questioned about the object, Appul hastily drew the tarp over it.
“Oh that? That’s nothing,” he laughed. “Probably a weather balloon. Certainly not an extraterrestrial ship that delivers alien eggs to be incubated here in sub-zero temperatures while we pretend to be a farmer’s market. Have you seen our wines?”