Yoga Pants Company Founder Apologizes: “I’m Sorry You Are So Fat”

Good lord woman hide yourself. You disgust me!

VANCOUVER, BC–Yoga pants company founder and former board chair Dave “Trip” Shbagg released a statement this morning personally apologizing to his customers for their own revolting obesity. Shbagg’s company, yoga pants giant Rararadish, produces stretchy pants that the founder says are intended for “Fit, appealing women who are most likely in their twenties.”

According to Shbagg’s statement:

I deeply and most humbly apologize to all offended parties that they are so gross. It was my impression that fat sacks are normally quite jolly.

Rararadish has come under fire recently. Consumers say the pants are often see-through, and have been known to exhibit pilling.

“Oh yeah, that happens when your fat legs rub together when you wander out of the kitchen,” Shbagg stated at the time.

He also noted that being able to see every feature of a woman’s body is part of the design of the pants, pointing to the company’s mission statement: “We aim to accentuate a woman’s inner beauty by accentuating her outer vagina.”

Shbagg will retain a seat on the company’s board to ensure that whomever takes the reins of Rararadish will allow “as few fat chicks as possible” to purchase their clothing.

Female yoga class attendees, when asked if they could continue to purchase the company’s clothes in the wake of Shbagg’s comments, overwhelmingly responded “probably.”