ATLANTA, GA–Snow! Yes, the White Death is falling from the skies, gang, which means none of us have to go to work or school. Your boss or school administrator might be pretending you have to come in, but don’t fall for their jokes. They just want to make a fool out of you.
Instead, if you are of legal drinking age, stay inside today and enjoy our Wintry Mix drink recipe! Guaranteed to warm us from the inside like love probably would if we were capable of it.
If you’re not of legal drinking age, focus on trying to be lovable. Hint: not an iPad thing.
First, locate a fully charged fire extinguisher and have it handy. You never know. Then, go outside and get yourself a generous scoop of snow. Don’t pick the grass or dirt out of the snow. Those parts add flavor and texture, and anyway, the snow’s not gonna get anywhere near deep enough to avoid grass and dirt.
Put your snow into a tumbler, then pour the following ingredients over it:
One part Bourbon to signify our southern roots.
One part Fireball because that’s what the kids get blotto on nowadays and if you mention it you get retweets.
One part Rumplemintz to add that wintry peppermint taste to your burps.
One part Jaegermeister for our Generation X and Y readers, for Jaeger is the Fireball of yesteryear.
One part right bank Bordeaux wine, e.g. Saint-Emilion, to add sophistication. Do not substitute a left bank wine. That would be going easy on yourself.
One part sea salt. Many recipes allow you to “season to taste.” Not this one. We want to bring the pain and frustration of driving on salted roads to our drink, so a full measure must be added. No exceptions.
Mix the above into your snow, then waft toward yourself to sample the bouquet. Finally, touch a match to the drink while wearing thick fire protective gloves and body covering. Admire. Pour into sink, extinguish with fire extinguisher mentioned earlier.