TSA Now Requires All Cars Parked Near Airport to be Left Unlocked

I just love the way those nice TSA people treat me.

HARTSFIELD-JACKSON–The Transportation Safety Administration now requires all cars parked within a five mile radius of the airports boundary to remain unlocked at all times to allow easy search of the vehicle by TSA agents. The new requirement will include cars parked at private residences within the boundary.

Though the agency admits the new regulation has the potential to be unpopular, especially with private homeowners, in a statement released Monday the TSA says they’re just doing their job.

It is this agency’s mission to dehumanize and cause discomfort to air travelers in hopes that these will feel like security. To pursue that aim, we must continually tighten our regulations, and that means reaching beyond shoe removal and inside-the-clothes touching to traveler’s vehicles.

Any items deemed to be unsafe for air travel found inside the car will be confiscated, and the vehicle removed to an impound lot for further screening. In extreme cases, such as where swabs of the vehicle give probable cause for explosives such as gasoline, the TSA will decide whether to render the car safe by explosion or by burning.

The car’s owner may then reclaim as much of the safe exploded or burned bits as can be collected and identified upon return to their city of departure.