Traveling Man’s World Shattered by Underwhelming Over-Hyped Burger

This is just a burger. It's nothing special. My life is a lie. PHOTO: Beau96080

LOS ANGELES, CA–Paul Farmer, 37, suffered an emotional breakdown in the main dining area of a Slamburger restaurant near the Los Angeles airport on Sunday when he bit into a Slam Special burger and found the taste to be more or less the same as the burgers he enjoys near his home.

“This place had been so hyped up to me,” said farmer, choking back sobs. “But… it’s nothing special.” Eyewitnesses say Farmer then threw a wadded up napkin toward the empty booth seat opposite him and screamed, “It’s just a burger, for Christ’s sake. Oh God, my life is a lie!”

Paramedics were called to help calm Farmer, though he did not appear to present any danger to other patrons. He was urged to drink water and take deep breaths.

Once he’d regained a measure of his composure, Farmer revealed that he’d been vying for months to be selected from his office of 24 employees to represent his company, Insurance Underwriters Mutual Life, at a Los Angeles area conference precisely so that he’d have a chance to try a Slamburger.

“Eating burgers was the one bright spot in my life,” sighed Farmer, a trickle of tears escaping either corner of his eyes. “Now I guess I’ll have to try hard drugs.”