Neighborhoods! Atlanta’s got heaps of them. If you live in the Atlanta metro area, chances are you live in a neighborhood. Pay attention, public relations and real estate professionals, because you’re going to want to pander to these neighborhoods by those names! We’ve compiled a top ten list for just that purpose.
Granted, some of Atlanta’s neighborhoods are nicer than others. But if you happen to live in a crap neighborhood, don’t despair! Just say you live in a nearby nicer one. Neighborhood boundaries are designed by real estate agents and apartment complexes to be blurrier than Dekalb’s school board finances.
Tired of humdrum old Smyrna? Good news, friend, you live in chic Vinings! Having trouble renting your condo near a railway gulch west of town? List that mother as “West Midtown!” Bought a house in East Atlanta? Say goodbye to your flat screen!
In this article we break down the top ten Atlanta neighborhoods to pander to with a top ten list. Let’s get started!
- Cabbagetown – Cabbagetown’s panderability is high thanks to a strong sense of community. That sense of community is a direct result of two factors: having two-way streets barely wide enough for one-way traffic, and the city’s most-photographed and most-graffitied eyesore, Krog Tunnel.
- West Midtown – West Midtown is a great choice to pander to because the more times people refer to this neighborhood as “West Midtown,” the more likely people who haven’t been there will think it’s actually the western edge of Midtown, despite there being an interstate, a smattering of railyards, and even a few neighborhoods between it and actual Midtown.
- Old Fourth Ward – Old Fourth Ward has an undeniable historical significance that is overlaid by an undeniable shock that a the Beltline, a real live cool thing that is good for the city’s transportation and life enjoyment infrastructures, actually happened.
- East Atlanta – East Atlanta benefits from distinctive charm, which is why first time home buyers happily share their homes in this neighborhood with burglars. Fighting criminals and watching their home equity flip to negative numbers makes these residents fiercely loyal, and that makes them great pandering targets.
- Castleberry Hill – This industrial nabe is forested with lofts whose metal roll up doors might seem a bit too industrial at first, but they seem far too thin when drugged-up ne’er-do-wells are rebounding off them come the witching hour. Like East Atlanta, these residents are battle-hardened and ready to rally around your location-specific pandering.
- Grant Park – Grant Park is populated entirely by fierce lovers of the Cyclorama, Atlanta’s Civil War history attraction. Start out any attempt to pander to these residents with a few well-chosen facts about the mid nineteenth century and you’ll be in business. Avoid mentioning the Atlanta Zoo, however. Most Grant Park homes have been terrorized by at least one escaped marauding panda.
- Poncey-Highland – Poncey-Highland is a natural refuge for those who can neither stomach the relentless commercialism of Inman Park nor the relentless North Face wearing of Virginia-Highland. Pander to them by referencing Manuel’s Tavern, King of Pops, or bicycle shorts and waving-to-ladies-in-traffic enthusiast Willie Terry
- Virginia-Highland – Pandering to Virginia-Highland is a simple matter. Remember that residents of this historic Atlanta neighborhood moved here to be close to its many chic bars and eateries, but hate nothing more than people from other neighborhoods taking up all the parking to enjoy the same bars and eateries.
- Midtown – Ah, Midtown. The jewel of the city. Residents of this neighborhood afford their expensive high-rise condos because they are willing to do what it takes to make money, even when the going gets distasteful. This is precisely why they’re so disgusted by their neighborhood prostitutes. Pander to them by mentioning their efforts to oust streetwalkers.
- Buckhead – Those wishing to pander to the residents of Buckhead are wise to mention Ray Lewis or endless construction. Remember that there was a time when Buckhead welcomed the rest of the city as an entertainment district, before it was merely a hole in the ground surrounded by upscale shopping and chain restaurants. Buckhead’s residents are happy that’s been dealt with for the most part.