Theatrical Outfit Admits Stories All Made Up

Two professional con-men in their invented identities

DOWNTOWN — Undercover Atlanta Banana B-Shock Boom Eye Action Explosion 5000 Team reporters visited an in-town business last week, and now announce the breaking story of a coordinated deception. Calling itself the Theatrical Outfit, the so-called “theatre” hires professionals to pretend to be someone they’re not.

Posing as people for whom art and culture are important parts of an enjoyable life, our team used “tickets” to gain entry to the theatre and positioned themselves in seats. They then made sure their communication devices were silent, and settled in to surveil proceedings.

It was then that the deception began. The “play” claimed to contain the life of famous painter Mark Rothko. Atlanta Banana B-Shock Boom Eye Action Explosion 5000 Team has uncovered that Mark Rothko — a known alias of Marcus Rothkowitz — has in fact been deceased for over 40 years.

Reporters also made note of specialized lighting used alongside music playing through speakers around the room to enhance the mood and presentation of the story.

Under intense questioning, Theatrical Outfit marketing representative Hally Joseph was, at first, evasive.

“Wait, what?” she intimated.

Our reporters were by no means discouraged, and pressed Joseph to answer for her company’s deception.

“No, Mark Rothko himself is not on stage,” she admitted. “This is a play. We are a theatre.”

Ms. Joseph went on to add that her organization provided a service to the community by striving to “bring culture, entertainment, and social commentary to bear.” When pressed on this point, she could produce no evidence of a bear on her premises.

Further, according to her claims, their customers are able to look past the lies, using something called “suspension of disbelief.” She also claims that this entire process is an art form “at least as old as civilization itself,” with ties to ancient Greek and Roman cultures.

After a pause, she then added, “Who is this again?”

B-Shock Boom Eye Action Explosion 5000 Team members contacted the Rome, Georgia Chamber of Commerce, who denied any connection to a Mr. Plautus or Mr. Terence, two supposedly well-known figures of Roman theatre, according to Ms. Joseph.

It is unclear as of press time whether Atlanta Police Department will take any action against Theatrical Outfit, as they have asked B-Shock Boom Eye Action Explosion 5000 Team members to please stop “wasting [their] time.” Could APD members be acting in concert with the so-called Theatrical Outfit?

Stay tuned to this newspaper for developments.