Suburbs to be Emptied of Children During Week Days for Next Nine Months

Finally, somewhere to stow these little persons. PHOTO: ajari

ATLANTA–The government will once again be collecting appropriate-aged children for central holding during weekdays this fall. In some cases, the central holding buildings will send buses around to collect the offspring, but parents are also free to deliver them personally if they prefer.

Children who have been adequately trained can be ordered to march or bicycle to holding facilities under their own power, but the government warns it is not responsible for their care until they arrive.

Though there are some central holding options for younger progeny, parents are typically asked to not send a child younger than six years, saying they are simply too difficult to manage at this age. Officials claim that kids under six are often lacking basic motor skills, not to mention the ability to manage their own bodily functions.

During the holding hours, government officials promise to show the children a few colored bits of paper, and perhaps a list of symbols that compose our native language, known as an “alphabet.” Bonus pieces of this material will even be sent home with the child, giving parents something to do during evenings.

Child collection will continue through the spring, ending some time around June.