ALPHARETTA, GA–A storm tracking through the North Atlanta region last night resulted in the activation of the storm warning sirens, as well as a funnel cloud of pure bullshit which formed in a stairwell in an office park. The bullshit began when a low pressure area of misunderstood weather data near the south side of the office met with a high pressure front of speculation moving from the north.
The two fronts met in the stairwell, where employees gathered at the behest of management. They were then buffeted by spoken thoughts too stupid to vocalize in any other setting.
“Jerry seemed to think the storm would turn north, like he’s a meteorologist or something.” said Marjorie Plimpton, Vice President of Sales. “You’re a CPA Jerry. You’ve never estimated in your life.”
Jerry Bragnar defended his speculations as stemming from careful research of a mobile app hastily downloaded moments before. “I actually heard Phyllis say we could survive on break room coffee for up to a week. Don’t be ridiculous Phyllis. We’d eat you before we resorted to that,” he said.
The storm then passed, and employees adjourned to the parking lot to tweet snapshots of wet pavement to local media.