Serial Panhandler Defends Actions as “Old School Kickstarter”

Hey man, can you spare some change? Well how about an RT or a like? PHOTO: Unknown

ATLANTA–Police have once again arrested serial panhandler Charles Raskin. This is the twelfth offense for Raskin, who can typically be seen near highways bearing cardboard signs with phrases like “I JUST NEED A BEER” or “HOMELESS VETERAN PLEASE HELP GOD BLESS,” despite the fact that he is neither homeless nor a veteran and he prefers hard liquor to beer.

Raskin, who owns a modest home in the North Druid Hills area, makes his living entirely by panhandling. He hasn’t held a regular job since 1989 when he bagged groceries for two weeks before quitting to pursue what he calls “street marketing.”

“I make a shitload,” said Raskin. “I fudge the truth a bit sometimes, saying I am homeless or a veteran, but that’s just sales and marketing, you know? Governments and big companies do that all the time.”

Raskin, who represents himself when he lands in court, is preparing a new defense. He says he is merely employing exactly the same methods as popular e-Panhandling site “Kickstarter.”

“What’s the difference between me begging for change on Monroe, and some kid begging for money to make a movie?” he asks. “People don’t gotta give me money, they don’t gotta look at my sign. Best of all, they don’t gotta watch my shitty movie.”