Russian Hackers Edit Obama’s Schedule, Add “Shirtless Horse Time” Thursday at Noon


WASHINGTON, DC–White House officials have announced that Russian hackers not only gained access to President Obama’s schedule, but added a calendar item for him to ride a horse bare-chested Thursday at noon. Experts believe that the hackers, used to enjoying frequent shirtless horse-riding habits of Vladimir Putin, hope Obama will compare unfavorably with their leader.

“At first I thought they meant the horse would be shirtless,” said Dusty Chaps, White House stable manager. “I was like, hey, no problem. Don’t have a shirt to fit them anyways. A sweater, sure, but a shirt? Ridiculous!”

White House information technology staffers said they’d like to remove the item from the President’s calendar, but it would require a series of meetings and everyone’s already committed.

“To edit the calendar would be like fifteen reboots and we’d have to apply a bunch of updates and shit too. Ugh,” said White House InfoSec Director Keyton Clickers. “It’ll be tons easier if he just does the ride.”