WASHINGTON, DC–White House officials have announced that Russian hackers not only gained access to President Obama’s schedule, but added a calendar item for him to ride a horse bare-chested Thursday at noon. Experts believe that the hackers, used to enjoying frequent shirtless horse-riding habits of Vladimir Putin, hope Obama will compare unfavorably with their leader.
“At first I thought they meant the horse would be shirtless,” said Dusty Chaps, White House stable manager. “I was like, hey, no problem. Don’t have a shirt to fit them anyways. A sweater, sure, but a shirt? Ridiculous!”
White House information technology staffers said they’d like to remove the item from the President’s calendar, but it would require a series of meetings and everyone’s already committed.
“To edit the calendar would be like fifteen reboots and we’d have to apply a bunch of updates and shit too. Ugh,” said White House InfoSec Director Keyton Clickers. “It’ll be tons easier if he just does the ride.”