Religious Right Promotes “Faces of Math” Campaign

A child makes a face as she concentrates on a harmful math problem. PHOTO: Edwart Visser

TIGER, GA–A conservative religious group has released an advertising campaign depicting the faces of children and young adults horribly twisted while concentrating on mathematics problems, hoping to discourage interest in math and sciences.

The group, calling themselves Pious — often shortened simply to “Pi” — hopes to capitalize on the popular “Faces of Meth” anti-drug campaign that went viral this week and depicts the faces of methamphetamine addicts horribly disfigured by drug use.

Rev. Abe Vogadro, Pious group head and strip mall church founder, has spoken out against mathematics as “the devil’s scribblings.” He revealed via phone this morning that the time has never been better to forward his group’s ideas.

Vogadro and his group maintain that declining interest in religious studies are due to the Internet being “made of numbers” which corrupt children’s minds away from the Lord.

“Math ain’t never did nothing for nobody,” said Vogadro. “I’d rather have a plank of wood I can count on. A plank’s constant.”

Pious group members say that the anti-religious math conspiracy can be seen everywhere, including on our food in the form of expiration dates and bar code markings.

“Numbers are lies, and I don’t need lies on my damn cheese,” declared Vogadro. “You can see all those numbered fibs lined up, one after another. It’s a fib on a cheese sequence.”