Real News Rundown: WSB’s Fayetteville Forklift/ATM Thieves

PHOTO: WSB channel 2

Our friends at WSB are reporting this morning that some crafty thieves in the Fayetteville area are on an ATM theft spree. As seen in the video at that link, the thieves are using a stolen forklift to load the ATMs into a stolen truck, then stealing the machines by driving away. Presumably the thieves are also wearing stolen clothes and misrepresenting their true feelings to one another.

Emotional theft is the worst kind, guys.

But what we love about the report is the quotes from local authorities:

“You almost admire the ingenuity that somebody comes up with to get this idea. I mean, who thought of this?” Detective Mike Whitlow asked.

We don’t mean to be disrespectful, Detective Whitlow, but lots of people know that forklifts pick up heavy stuff. We know that and we are writers, fearful of any sort of actual work.

Here’s Detective Whitlow again:

“Some of these schemes, if they would apply that to legal means, they would probably make a million dollars and they wouldn’t have to steal it from somebody. Not that this is that brilliant, but it’s certainly brazen,” said Whitlow.

Here the Detective has a great point. Think about what these guys had to go through to get the ATM into the truck. They had to load up a forklift, drive to the site, unload the forklift, pick up the ATM, put it in the truck, then load up the forklift again. They’d probably get as much or more money by hauling away unwanted firewood or bundled children legally.

But who are we to attempt to understand the motives of those living outside the law? They are unknowable. But at least in this case, they’re oddly interesting.