Rand Paul Promises to Bring Fresh New Rich White Guy Perspective to Presidency


LOUISVILLE, KY–Senator Rand Paul, Tea Party darling and rich white guy, announced today his candidacy for President of the United States in the 2016 election, promising to bring a fresh, new rich white guy perspective to American government.

“This country just can’t get enough of rich white guys, and Rand Paul embodies that ideal,” said campaign manager Biff Huffman. “Rich white guys are honest, faithful in their marriages, and sensitive to the wants and needs of minorities, not to mention LGBT groups.”

Though it is early days for the 2016 election at this time, experts say the chances of the election going to a rich white guy are pretty good.

“Look around you,” said election analyst Victor Godespoils, “Do you see any minorities? If so, just close your eyes and imagine a rich white guy instead.”