Park Atlanta Announces Scoutmob Deal: Full Price

ParkATLANTA would like to have a deal where we pay them all the monies. PHOTO: ParkATLANTA

ATLANTA–ParkATLANTA, the traffic version of the lamprey eel, has announced their intention to partner with the popular deal-spotting website Scoutmob today. Scoutmob representatives were reluctant to comment, however, since Park Atlanta stipulated that their “deal” would include no savings whatsoever.

“I’m not sure I understand what the problem is,” said Ira Tating, ParkATLANTA spokesperson. “Like any other business, we are interested in boosting our revenue. Scoutmob has excellent traction with the suckers we’d like to prey on- I mean, ah, the good citizens we provide a service to.”

“It would really be a big help to us. We were hoping to announce our newest kiosks, which are combined with wacky waving inflatable arm-flailing tube-men to make the parking payment experience more fun.”

But sources inside Scoutmob’s offices have intimated that it “just doesn’t work that way.” Their offerings typically involve a discount for goods and services, not merely announcements of the same full price as always.

“Well, sure,” responded Tating, “But we’re under the gun here. We laid out millions for the rights to annoy the shit out of — I mean, become the parking provider to — the city of Atlanta’s motorists. Lowering our prices is simply no way to end up diving into swimming pools full of money like Scrooge McDuck.”

McDuck aside, for now it doesn’t appear that the deal will go through, unless things change with ParkATLANTA’s business model.

“At this time, ParkATLANTA does not intend to offer Atlantans sandwiches or tasty tapas, no,” Ira stated. “And we certainly don’t recommend eating our tickets, or as we call them, under-wiper love notes. You’d just have to buy another one if you did that. Wait a second…”