WASHINGTON, DC–President Obama signed into law this morning an executive order making it illegal to sarcastically thank him, a practice often used to ascribe blame to him for nearly anything. The sarcastic “Thanks, Obama,” phrase has been employed so much by pundits and politicians alike that it has gained wide ironic acceptance as well.
“Seriously, guys. It was just getting too much,” said the President.
Sources close to the family say the President’s near constant exposure to sarcasm has taken a toll on his life enjoyment, leading to him attempting to preempt any suspected sarcastic “Thanks, Obama,” by loudly barking “No, thank you!” before the other party can finish speaking.
In at least one case, an international conflict was narrowly avoided when a Chinese delegate thanked the President. The President returned the thanks by leaping onto the delegate and delivering a vicious “titty twister,” saying over and over again “Oh, you’re so welcome. You like that? You’re welcome!”
Sarcastic Obama thanking will be added to the list of NSA keywords already hunted for in private cell phone, email, and internet conversations, and suspect parties will be fully investigated.