ATLANTA, GA – In the wake of a crime that shook the city of Atlanta, Beltline Kroger,
located on Ponce de Leon Avenue, has become known as Murder Kroger after the
brutal slaying of its predecessor, Murder Kroger.
“Beltline Kroger just marched in here like it owned the place,” said a local witness.
“It was all cute and smiling with its fresh produce and round head. No one even
noticed the knife it concealed between an organic carrot and a bag of kale.”
The witness went on to say that few could stand to watch as Beltline Kroger
repeatedly stabbed Murder Kroger with a big ol’ smile on its face. “Most just took their cocaine and extra firm tofu and ran for shelter in the Starbucks
across the street,” he said.
Over the following days, general consensus among the angry and frightened citizens
of Atlanta was that Beltline Kroger should henceforth be known as Murder Kroger in
recognition of the shocking crime.
“You’ve been warned,” said a long-time neighborhood resident. “I strongly suggest
you go elsewhere for your illegal substance and crockpot vegetable needs.”