ATLANTA, GA–Metropolitan Atlanta area taxpayers are overjoyed to be able to support our perfectly functioning representative American government, citing ethical conduct of elected officials and fearless corporate oversight among reasons they love paying taxes so much.
Cumming resident Deacon Zams, 42, said he couldn’t be more pleased with our republic. “Every year I celebrate April 15th the way some people do Christmas day. It just feels so good to be on the hook for quadruple the tax burden as a man one hundred times wealthier than I am.”
Office manager Rachel Parsons of Canton, GA, says her favorite part of paying taxes is the way our American government borrows money from her paycheck tax free all year, then returns some of it to her in a lump sum check like they’re doing her some kind of fucking favor. “It’s just a little game we play,” she said. “Enjoy squandering that earned interest you big kidders!”
“What I love is the feeling that my vote really counts,” said Dean Bandle, Douglasville resident and general contractor. “Whenever there’s a close race, the courts decide who wins, but I know it was my one vote that helped them choose between the two candidates that somehow represent the entire American political spectrum.”
Bandle thought a moment, then said, “Oh, and I love how our government reigns in the enormous multinational corporations. They really tell those guys what’s what.”