WASHINGTON, DC–Though the 2014 American Football championship has yet to be decided, it is undeniable that that team, whichever it is, will be the world champions. To celebrate the victory, Barack Obama, President of the unquestionably most free of nations, has agreed to congratulate the winner personally.
“Every one of us Americans is the free-est in the world. That’s why the USA doesn’t have gender inequality, wage gaps, or any racism,” said Damien Upcharles, NFL communications manager. Upcharles said the President, most free American of the free-est nation of freedom on Earth, as well as the leader thereof, recognized the freedom represented by the future World Champions, and thus would take time out of his busy schedule of leading the free world to congratulate them.
“In the same way that Americans are free to choose their President from any one of our two political parties, only one team from our two conferences can win,” said the President. “That’s what being a world champ is all about: choice. And there’s nothing more American than that.”