Hillary Clinton Announces Candidacy for President of “Yeah, No Shit”

PHOTO: Rona Proudfoot

WASHINGTON, DC–Ending two years of “Oh come on already,” Hillary Rodham Clinton announced her candidacy for President of the United States of No Shit, Sherlock, immediately establishing herself as the already-established-in-everything-but-the-most-overt-way-possible candidate.

“I am running for President,” said Ms. Clinton. “I also want voters to know that I breathe every day, eat food regularly, and fall into a motionless state most evenings. That motionless state is known to doctors as ‘sleep.'”

Clinton’s campaign team numbers well into the hundreds and is somehow already assembled and organized despite a presidency only hours old.

“Every day Americans need a champion. Also, our atmosphere takes on a bluish hue thanks to the way our sun’s light diffuses through it,” said Clinton. “I hope you’ll all join me on this journey.”