Hey, motherfuckers! I watched TV last night!


I want to make sure that every one of you motherfuckers is fully aware that I sat my ass firmly on my couch, opened my eyes, and watched the absolute shit out of my TV last night.

A hundred owls stuffed full of Adderall pills until they rattled like maracas wouldn’t have managed half of the focus I had when I watched my television last night, and I am directing that mighty force of will into this morning’s social media posts. For you, motherfuckers!

If you took the focus of a starving lion stalking its prey, multiplied it by the grains of sand on an average playground, then solidified that pure focus into an erect dick, then took that erect dick and impregnated an inscrutable, unending, relentless black hole, the baby that tore the universe asunder when it burst forth would only rival the focus with which I watched TV last night…