God Pretty Sure He Didn’t Tell Anyone to Forcibly Occupy Anything


HEAVEN–God, appearing in his Christian form by virtue of being referenced as such by the Oregon militiamen, stated publicly He’s “pretty sure,” he never told anyone they should forcibly occupy anything.

“And let’s be clear,” He said. “When I use the words ‘pretty sure,’ it is only to seem a little less cocky. I don’t like to point it out, but I am omniscient, omnipotent, and omnipresent. So, ya know… Just saying.”

God referenced such all-time hits of his as “Love thy Neighbor,” and wondered aloud why so many people who are supposedly big fans of his ignore that significant entry in his catalog.

Wrapping up the press conference, God refused to take questions, but did answer a few that hadn’t yet been asked, pointing at each journalist in turn to deliver his answer.

“No. No. Never. Don’t be absurd. Yes it’s yours; wrap it up next time.”