ATLANTA, GA–The long oppression of aging straight white males in the Georgia General Assembly has ended, and they have proudly returned to the contravention of science, medicine, and morality now that there’s no hope of getting an Amazon HQ.
The governor’s office previously warned lawmakers to “knock it off” with bills designed to punish non-Christian non-white non-males, such as the “Seriously God Wants This” bill of 2017, but since Amazon announced in November 2018 that their new HQ would be in Virginia, Georgia is off the leash.
“Hoo, shit I feel like a million bucks,” said Richard Jerkely (R, Dallas, 31). “It was rough last year having to act nice for Daddy Bezos but now there’s no nope of his money we can get back to what we do best: dragging our state backward in time.”
Though similar legislation previously faced opposition from, and was ultimately defeated by, corporate interests such as the NFL and Apple, lawmakers say things will be different this time.
“If you think we’re gonna take any crap from the National Friendship League or some damn fruit stand named after a weird red potato, you’ve got another think coming,” Jerkely said. “Don’t judge us by what was might have been done, but by what not was might previously have got R done.”