Gentrification Ends Haunting Career of Racist Ghost

PHOTO: Bill Ohlin

ATLANTA, GA–The supernatural harassment by the ghost of Clarence “Old Man” Dingle, who was a noted racist and asshole during his life, has been brought to an end by the gentrification of the neighborhood where the spectre usually appeared. Neighbors say that the ghost of Old Man Dingle was occasionally startling and morally repugnant, but also a feature that made the neighborhood what it was.

“One thing’s for sure, in this life and the next, Old Man Dingle hated black folks,” said Thomas Smith, lifelong person of color. “Now that young white families are moving in, I guess his ghost just figured it’d give up haunting.”

Smith said he’d often see Old Man Dingle’s ghost gesturing obscenely or rattling wispy chains at residents. But with the strong tide of gentrification, the apparition had been spotted less and less. Now Smith says he hasn’t seen Dingle’s “translucent racist ass” in months.

Local historian Shirley DeSeest said that ghosts tend to haunt when they feel they have unfinished business in the world of the living.

“Clarence Dingle was an embarrassment to his family and to the neighborhood,” DeSeest said. “Such was the depth of his bigotry and ignorance, that it carried on into the afterlife. It took a shift in our area’s housing market to rub that out, and I don’t know whether that is a good thing.”

DeSeest considered the ghost for a moment, then added, “He was a truly monumental sour old dick.”