GDOT Announces Freedom Parkway Toll: “Freedom Isn’t Free”

The Phantom Toll Boost

ATLANTA, GA–Claiming an effort to ease congestion and improve the driving experience, the Georgia Department of Transportation has announced the installation of new “Freedom Isn’t Free” toll on Freedom Parkway, sponsored by Coca-cola. GDOT spokeswoman and cat sweater enthusiast Irma Skruewe held a press conference to unveil the new tolls.

“These new tolls will not only help balance out the funds lost with the closing of the 400 tolls, but will create a ‘bottleneck of happiness’ for drivers to open,” said Ms. Skruewe.

Sources inside Coca-cola say the company feels it should be thanked by the city for drawing people along Freedom Parkway into downtown to visit the “World of Coca-cola.”

“Let’s face it, as cool as the Georgia Aquarium is, it’s basically a pilot fish swimming alongside our exhibit,” said Beau Raygard, media representative. “If it weren’t for us, no one would drive down Freedom Parkway at all.”

“Where would they go? Underground?” asked Raygard. “Hah!”