ATLANTA–Researchers from Facebook special scientific branch Cliklike have announced the discovery of what might be the greatest status update ever, the political baby photo.
For three years, the team at Cliklike, headed by Dr. Benson Honaydeux and his chief assistant Dr. Beecre, have been hot on the trail of the ultimate Facebook status update. The team called a press conference this morning to announce their findings.
“While other research organizations might search for the key to faster than light travel or the perpetual motion machine, we are in search of the ultimate Facebook status update. One which will get the maximum amount of attention for the poster,” said Dr Honaydeux.
The team’s published findings outline the theory upon which their findings are based, the No Look At Me Theory, under which Facebook, and indeed all social media, amounts to a horde of people all shouting “No, look at me.”
“Political posts are popular because every vastly complex issue has already been reduced to two convenient sides, complete with pre-scripted talking points and slanted data pointing in both directions,” said Dr. Honaydeux. “And baby photos are popular because parents believe their children to be somehow remarkable.”
Honaydeux said that after many long weeks of intense study, his assistant Beecre prompted the breakthrough.
“He awoke in his office after passing out from the stress, just shouting ‘Me! Me! Me!’ Over and over again. Then he somehow caught on fire, and it hit me: political baby photos,” Honaydeux said.
The team will take a few weeks off to relax, posting photos of themselves on the beach with the words “This is my office today,” like a couple of real assholes.