EUROPE–According to international reports, people in Switzerland, which is a state in the country of Europe, are still doing science for some reason. They persist with their science-related doings despite all evidence that America is completely over it, and has been for a long time.
Over the last few days, Europe has released a series of statements touting the discovery of a Higgs Bosun, though clarification on just what that is and how it relates to important matters — such as the release of books about sex and movies about male strippers — could not be obtained as of press time.
Atlanta Banana reporters took to the streets yesterday to get your voice on just what the hell those Europeans are up to with their lab coats and whatnot.
Paul D, Stonecutter – Personally, I think they can do whatever they want, but they should know that science is so out of style right now. America won the space race and that’s as far as we ever need to go.
Clara R, Wetnurse – Wait, I think I know what a Higgs Bosun is. I think Kanye might have tweeted about it once. It’s pants that you wear really tight, right?
Jack M, Blacksmith – Europe should stick to what we count on them for, which is… wait what do we count on them for? Expensive cars, I guess? Hell, I don’t know.
Cherise W, Cooper – I’m just glad they discovered something that isn’t going to give me cancer or heart disease. That’s what most science discoveries do these days seems like.