DOUGLASVILLE–Farley R. Lijous, unemployed paint agitator and father of two, discovered to his surprise Sunday that he had mistakenly attended church the week after Easter.
Lijous disclosed to reporters that while he considers himself a religious man, he normally only attends church for what he called “the Big Four.” Those are: Christmas, Easter, weddings and funerals.
“I got out of bed and saw my Sunday clothes laying there on the chair and I figured my wife must have laid them there to remind me,” Lijous revealed. “I jumped in the shower, cracked a beer, just as a stabilizer y’hear, and then headed down to the church. Wouldn’t you know it? Not a gol’ durn white flower in sight.”
It seems that partway through the service, Mr. Lijous emerged from the Budweiser Platinum fog he’d settled on himself during the previous night’s festivities.
“I started lookin’ around, and I thought I had that ‘day job view’ thing, where you’ve been somewhere before, you know? Then I realize my wife and kids ain’t there cause they’re at her sister’s trailer up at the lake and damn if I wasn’t in the same church pew one week ago. Shew! Don’t that beat all?”
Church officials were initially pleased to see Mr. Lijous back at the service, but disappointed to learn it was a mistake.
“If anyone needs the word of God in their lives, that person must certainly be Farley Rhea,” stated Rev. P. Yuss. “I doubt there’s an unconsumed can of beer in West Georgia this morning.”
For his part, Lijous is hopeful.
“I just hope I get a little extra credit from the big man upstairs for attending today,” he shrugged. “Even if I did nod off a bit when there weren’t any singing.”