Country’s Smallest Walmart Brings Cutest Economic Doom to West Midtown

Tiny Walmart crushes tiny dreams. PHOTO: Walmart Corporate

ATLANTA–A small Walmart built on Georgia Tech’s campus will bring cute little economic doom to the area, causing any family-owned businesses in a several-mile radius to immediately shut down. Blue vested serpents will also erupt from the ground, engulfing any and all small business owners caught unawares.

Mamas are warned that young children near the store during its grand opening ceremony are likely to grow up to be cowboys, rather than doctors or lawyers and such.

Known as the “Walmart Effect,” these reactions are due to the unusually low prices Walmart is able to offer thanks to the powerful gold ring forged in a Bentonville, AR volcano by Sam Walton in the 1950s.