ATLANTA–District 13 Councilman Jorge Fourhay reaffirmed his commitment to conservatism this week, saying that he’s so committed to blocking social progress on irrelevant grounds that he does so even at his own home. Fourhay outlined his plan for the blocking of good ideas in a video.
“My wife Toré bought some vegetables for the kids this week,” said Fourhay. “She’s a good woman, and she loves us. But I held her hand and asked what’s next? Are you going to let them brush their teeth too?”
Also outlawed in the Fourhay home are smiling, hugging, books over 100 pages, reading anything that doesn’t have photos, and sleeping on one’s side. “Every now and then we’ll catch the kids accidentally on their side when asleep, but we just strap them to the board the next night and they straighten right up,” said the Councilman.
When asked about the nature of his religio-political beliefs, Fourhay denied that they were based in the Christian faith, saying he had transcended Christianity.
“Cherry picking the bible for the purposes of political underpinning is for amateurs. Instead, I have made conservative politics my religion, thereby turbocharging those very same politics. Pretty genius, right?”
Fourhay then realized he was smirking, and pinched himself firmly on the thigh.