KENNESAW–Reports of a seriously disturbed Kennesaw man claiming, “Living in Atlanta is the best” have flooded the Atlanta Banana news desk. The man, possibly affected by dementia, reportedly believes he is a resident of Atlanta.
“I feel bad for the old codger,” said Elaine Blenham, an Atlantan recently back from a foray into the suburbs. “He kept saying, ‘I only live 10 minutes from downtown, it’s not far at all.’”
The actual distance, as many Atlantans know, is well over 25 miles without factoring in traffic delays.
The man’s confusion about his location is not the only thing worrying Kennesaw residents. “He keeps on logging onto Yelp and reviewing ‘Atlanta’ restaurants, but so far he’s only written up reviews on the Applebee’s on Barrett Parkway and a Checkers… he gave both 5 stars.”
Reporters contacted the man but could not figure out his identity. Upon challenging the man about his actual location, the man replied, “I don’t care where you city fruits think I live. Quite frankly you can get your heads out of your high-fallutin’ asses.”