Clint Eastwood Mobbed By Frisky Septuagenarians at Johnny’s Hideaway

Clint Eastwood waves politely to the throngs of wrinkly admirers. PHOTO: Siebbi, Flickr

ATLANTA — Legendary film star Clint Eastwood, 81, in town shooting “Trouble with the Curve,” was slowly but inexorably mobbed by a gang of lovestruck 70-year-olds at popular youth-challenged hotspot Johnny’s Hideaway on Saturday. While co-stars Justin Timberlake and Amy Adams were turning less arthritic heads around the corner at Fado, Eastwood decided to split from the party and go to a place where he “could feel young again,” according to reports.

Mr. Eastwood entered the bar with little fanfare and was seated at a semiprivate table near the back; however, once word spread that the iconic actor was indeed in the building, elderly women from every corner began a molasses-paced dash towards his location.

“I couldn’t believe he was here,” wheezed Marianne Koch, 72.  “He’s just gorgeous. GORGEOUS! I unhooked my oxygen tank so that I could beat these other harpies to him. I’d let that man put a fistful of dollars in my dirty harry, if you know what I mean.”

Seventy-eight-year-old patron Sondra Locke, was, disturbingly, equally smitten and prone to evoking unnecessary visuals. “My goodness,” she croaked, “it was Clint Bleeping Eastwood! Look, in this place, a girl’s get-freaky options are usually the bad, the worse, and the criminally ugly. If it weren’t for my hip, that stallion could turn me any which way but loose.”

Mr. Eastwood politely held court for nearly an hour, mostly to allow a particularly enthusiastic Margaret Avery, 76, to traverse the entire dance floor with her walker.

“There was no way I was lettin’ that hunk of a man leave this place without signing THESE,” she hooted, unclasping her belt and exposing what apparently used to be breasts.

As Mr. Eastwood began making his way towards the door, the gaggle of geriatric gals took Polaroid after Polaroid, pausing only to vigorously shake the developing pictures. “I can’t wait to actually pin these to the wall at the Senior Center and read the inevitable comments on the clipboard underneath,” laughed Koch. “Clint Eastwood.  Wow.”