City Prepares Giant Metal Plate to Cover Georgia Dome

The Dome will soon be replaced by a cheese sandwich. The Dairy Farmer lobby paid us to write that. PHOTO: Dreman1731

ATLANTA–City engineers are busy this week preparing a gigantic metal plate which will cover the site of the soon to be closed Georgia Dome. The plate, known as Platimus Prime, is essentially an enormous patchwork quilt of lesser plates. It will be installed haphazardly and cause great danger to citizens.

“Metal plates are the duct tape of civil engineering, and I love duct tape too,” explained Derrick Feztworth, Platimus Prime construction lead. “In fact, in my spare time, I enjoy fashioning articles of clothing out of duct tape. Socks, for instance. Also my underpants.”

As of press time, Fetzworth was asked if he could please fasten his pants and stick to the metal plates story.

“Oh. That’s pretty much it,” he concluded.

The Dome-covering plate will be nearly ten acres in size and up to a foot thick in places, weighing, according to Fetzworth, “a lot” of tons.