PONCE DE LEON–City traffic officials are preparing to close a section of Ponce de Leon this Friday night, March 23rd, as part of ongoing Beltline work. Calling it “the fucking party of the year,” one internal memo described workers as “completely stoked.”
“Bro, that memo is completely right. It’s pretty much going to blow all of our god damned minds,” said Charles Buck, project supervisor. “Atlanta citizens are gonna be so pissed at us. Woo! I live for this shit.”
Buck then laughed hysterically for a few moments. When he composed himself, he continued, “Haha! Oh god it’s gonna be so amazing. Like a million cars all mad as hell and honking. Haha! Fuck them!”
When asked if he could perhaps provide some serious details about the project, Buck calmed a little.
“Oh I’m prepared, for sure. I’ve got a cooler of coldies chillin in my office as we speak, dog. Soon as we close that bitch at 9 Friday night, I’m gonna blast off like a rocket, bitches!”
Buck added at this juncture an upward motion of his right hand to suggest a rocket’s takeoff.
Officials have also closed Ralph McGill recently, but Buck dismisses it as merely “the opening act” to the Ponce de Leon closure.
“Seriously, don’t even mention Ralph McGill to me. Sure, it was amazing, but Ponce is in a whole other class. Only thing that could touch Ponce is a Peachtree St. closure,” he said.
Buck concluded, “Now that would really be something. My nips are getting hard just thinking about it.”